The moment your fiance got down on their knee and proposed to you, you knew that this is the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. But, before you can do that, you need to make it through the wedding planning process :)
Wedding planning can be stressful and as the bride, it’s understandable to want your wedding to be perfect and take on all the responsibility. But this wedding isn’t only about you, you’re marrying a person, right? So, let this be a shared experience. With that being said, we’re going to show you how to make your fiance feel included while you plan your wedding.
#1 // Remember that it’s not just your wedding
This goes without saying. While its all the rage to think it’s all about you, it’s really important that the entire point of this event is that TWO people are coming together. Many brides forget this, leaving their fiance completely out of the planning. Now, for some men, they don’t mind staying out of it and just showing up, but that’s not fair. No matter how much they don’t want to be involved or how much you’d rather do it on your own, you need to include them. It’s the only way both of you can fully appreciate the final product of all your hard work and planning. Plus, putting all the responsibility on yourself isn’t going to make things easier - you’re gonna burn out. This wedding is about celebrating both of you!
#2 // Communicate your expectations
If you don’t tell your fiance what you’re expecting from them, they cannot meet the expectations. They’re not psychic! Communication is extremely important now as you plan, but also for the rest of your relationship & marriage! When it comes to planning a wedding, don’t assume he knows what to do -- it’s going to take both of you some time to understand how things work and how to handle it all best. And for that, you need to feel like you’re on the same team.
#3 // Ask them questions
What do they see for the wedding? Most of the time, the vision of the wedding is left for the bride to figure out, but again, you’re not the only one getting married, right? Maybe what your fiance sees for their wedding is completely different than what you see or maybe they like your vision but has some suggestions to make it even better. But you won’t know unless you ask them.
If they tell you, “whatever makes you happy,” don’t take that as an answer. They also deserve to feel that their opinion actually matters and counts for something. We’re trained to think that it’s only the bride’s opinion that matters but that’s wrong.
#4 // Include their ideas into the wedding
If your fiance is telling you their ideas but you’re not taking them into consideration, then that’s a problem. You may not like that they want the theme of the wedding to be tropical, but you should somehow incorporate his idea into the wedding - consider including some tropical flowers in the centerpieces or have one of the signature drinks Hawaii-inspired, even name the cocktail after them!
Listening to their ideas is one thing but actually materializing them shows that his opinions do matter and you respect them.
#5 // Agree on the budget
If you haven’t done this already, do it now!! You have to do this if you want to make sure you both don’t go insane. Sit down with them and go through your financial situation, choosing a budget that’s realistic but will also be able to include your vision for the wedding. Get them to tell you the components of the wedding that are important to them and vice versa. That way, if you need to slim down some on some of the elements of the wedding, you know which ones mean the most to both of you, and know what you can afford to make happen -- together.
#6 // Let go of being a control freak
You may struggle with the idea of letting your fiance take on certain tasks, but you’re going to be marrying them! You have to let them do some things on their own, because no matter how much you want to, you can’t take on everything yourself. It’s not possible, and even if it was, it’s not healthy! Your wedding is going to be amazing, so, let go of your inner control freak and give your fiance some of the reigns.
How We Did It // Read Drop the Ball by Tiffany Dufu. Our Founder read it last year and loved it so much, gave a copy to her husband. It’s one of their favorites and it’s changed their marriage!
#7 // Put your relationship first
No matter what, you need to make sure that your relationship is a priority over the wedding planning. It’s easy to get sucked into planning and revolving your entire life around it but don’t forget about your partner. Go on date nights, watch a movie together, do an activity that has nothing to do with weddings. Make it a priority and schedule it like you would any other appointment! Make it a game: the first person to mention the wedding has to pick up the tab!
#8 // Don’t be afraid to ask for help
If you need help, ask your fiance. You could ask your bridesmaids but you have a soon-to-be husband or wife right in front of you. If you can’t ask them for help now, then what will happen after you two get married? If you need help, ask. You’re a team. If not, you’ll get overwhelmed, frustrated and dangerously, even resentful.
#9 // Pick your battles
Sometimes you’ve gotta lose the battle to win the war. We’ve all heard that one before. In wedding planning, just like in any stressful time in life, sometimes every little thing that frustrates you is not worth an argument. You have to ask yourself, “is how I feel about them not helping pick out the color of the napkins worth an argument in the car ride home? Or can I drop it?”
There are going to be many moments where you’re going to want something that your fiance doesn’t want. It could be floral arrangements, invitations, or the setup of the guest list. You could argue all day about every single thing, but why? Planning a wedding is a great way to practice compromising. If you feel very strongly about something, then of course, you should express it and give your reason why. But, do this when you’re both calm and not at each other’s necks.
#10 // Make all your decisions together
You’re probably thinking, “all of them?” Yes, all of them. Ok, not really all. But like 95%.
For example, you can pick the dress but the budget has to be discussed beforehand with your partner. It’s important to have your fiance on board the entire time, from beginning to end. This is the ultimate level of teamwork. You and your partner should decide on every element of your wedding, that way, you can truly call it your day.
#11 // Keep it fun
At the end of the day, you should enjoy this experience. Sure, it’ll have stressful moments, but you’re planning the day you’re getting married - it’s a celebration. Try to limit the amount of time you spend talking about the wedding outside of planning it. Just relax and enjoy the experience.
Planning a wedding shouldn’t be a nightmare, and it shouldn't fall all on one person. If you want to know how to make your fiance feel included, it’s easy - it's just a matter of becoming a team, for better or for worse :)
Natasha Ivanovic is a writer at Broomstick! Other than her love of writing, she loves reading, getting lost in nature and drinking a good cappuccino (it's not as easy to find as it sounds). She recently finished her post-graduate degree in forensic psychology but decided to stick with writing as her imagination always seems to get the best of her. Join Natasha and apply to be a Broomstick contributing writer here.