Thought Piece: What to do when you meet someone finer than your husband
You ever look into someone’s eyes and be like “damn?” Then all of a sudden, you feel a pang of guilt because after all, you’re a wife and thinking your new coworker has beautiful smile isn’t normal because after all you’re a wife and you’re in love and this must mean you’re not in love so you go home and pray and hope tomorrow your new coworker looks like an ogre and that means Jesus performed a miracle and yay now you’re really in love and no one can challenge that?
(By the way, this is bound to happen. I get that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but no one only sees the same people every day for the rest of their lives anymore. With new jobs, schools, cities, churches, community centers, and neighborhood sports teams comes new people you’ll see day to day, and despite how much you and your husband are a perfect match, there is bound to be someone who looks better than them that introduces themselves to you and says hello. And you’ll notice their perfect teeth.)
I know this may seem controversial, because, as we know, the couples & weddings we all know and love and respect and aspire to seem like their love is so enrapturing – and yes, this is very possible and I felt it very strongly leading to tears being shed all up my aisle and my dad helping me get my life together. However, I want us brides and newlyweds to start keeping it real. You didn’t marry (insert celebrity crush here.) You married a normal person, with flaws. One that makes you feel amazing and is your soulmate, yes, but – because they are normal people – may have physical characteristics you wish were different. Maybe they’ve put on some pounds. Maybe they’re not as tall as you’d like. Maybe they’re soft spoken. Maybe even though they work hard and contribute to y’all’s bills and are responsible, they prefer time watching football with the guys versus founding the next billion dollar startup.
Whether you believe in a God or in the Universe or in Murphy’s Law, I’ve found that, usually, whatever 2% cherry on top trait you wish your husband had (even though the other 98% of him is completely perfect) will start to show up in other people. Wish he made more money? BAM – all of your MBA classmates do, and some of them innocently and sincerely told you they like the dress you wore today (and of course, you’re like WHOA.) Wish he were taller? Get ready to look up more as your new neighbor comes to your stoop and asks for good restaurants in the area.
BUT – let’s also keep it real here and flip the coin. What are the chances YOU are the finest woman in the world? Are you as tall/short as your husband desires? Have you put on a couple pounds (hell yea?) God forbid, do you ever leave dishes in the sink, run late, or have bad hair days? Are you founding the next billion dollar startup, or let’s be real, do you prefer grabbing wine on Thursdays with your girls? The truth is, we are beautiful women, but beauty is both internal and external, and you cannot be a perfect A+ compared to every other woman on the planet. The odds of that are just ridiculous. We all have flaws – but our uniqueness makes us beautiful. What makes marriage wonderful is we accept each other and stay committed, while choosing to see the beauty where it really lies.
Bottom line – I think we as wives and husbands need to stop shaming this and spreading the lie that marriage and falling in love means our eyes stop working and our appreciation for people who look good suddenly falls off the mental map. It’s not realistic – what we should be openly acknowledging is the fact that YES people are attractive and YES you will meet a lot of them, regardless of your marital status, BUT what makes marriage a beautiful thing is that it is a DAILY commitment for LIFE – meaning that no matter what – or WHOM – comes your way, you respect and put your vows first. And no, realizing your husband isn’t in the same league as George Clooney or Idris Elba or that new guy in the finance department doesn’t disqualify you from having a spectacular marriage. In fact, it may strengthen it in ways you don’t even know yet.
So yes, note his perfect teeth, shake his hand, then clock out at 5, go home, and make your husband smile. That’s what marriage is all about.